Animal Magnetism

I am not afraid of spiders, not afraid of burglars, not afraid of storms and disasters.  For the most part I live a life lacking much fear.........except for the case of critters.    Admittedly, I got off to rather bad start that resulted in life-long, potentially clinical case.  My issues have been robustly fueled over the years by freakish and plentiful experiences.  Experiences that I am certain just don't happen to ordinary people, or do they and just go un-noticed?  I often think the creature world can smell my fear and find torturing me to be their own brand of fun.   The amount of unreal encounters stored in my twisted brain could certainly support a few stand up comedy routines, or a few years of intense therapy. 

I define critters as wild mammals that are the size of or smaller than an average domestic dog.  The list includes rodents at the absolute top, followed shortly by the woodland varieties who invade suburban areas, like raccoon, skunk and opossum.  I don't like cats. I don't like chipmunks and squirrels but the constant exposure to them has enabled my ability to somewhat peacefully coexist.  They do cause me to scream from time to time, but it's more from being startled, not so much a deep and raging fear.

My grandmother had a full blown phobia of birds.  Her phobia plagued her entire life and was extreme to say the least.  She orchestrated her life to manage her exposure to birds.  She always had dogs and the dogs always exited the house before her to scare the birds.  She didn't go on walks, or outside much for that matter.  She hated Rome.

I can see through my grandmother's eyes, as my fear (or is it a phobia?) limits me too. It makes me do stupid things and is often quite paralyzing.  It's primal, I tell you and the logic that "they are more afraid of me than I am of them"  has not a shred of truth.  This I know for sure. 

So what's the current problem?  Fox, a new addition to my list.  I should say foxes.  Two are living under the hydrangeas surrounding my patio.  My beautiful hydrangeas are in full bloom and under normal circumstances I would have vases overflowing with this garden treasure all over our home.  I've yet to pick one this year.  I haven't grilled in days.  The freaking fox have kicked me out of my own yard. 

The nice lady at animal control (who has come to my rescue a few times) told me I have let them get to comfortable.  I do pride myself in being a gracious hostess - but isn't that called victim blaming?

Here is one on my chaise lounge:

Here is one napping on the patio:

In contrast to the rest of the wild creatures who I despise from the depths of my soul, I do find these guys to be attractive, cute almost.  I think too, it's the sneaky nocturnal ones that freak me out the most.  The ones who lurk about at night hoping not to be seen, I hate that.  Most of my animal fears have been sequestered to the dead of night, until now.  These boys are daytime guys and this is throwing a real curve ball into my daily life.

The animal control officer, after telling me it's my fault for being such a gracious hostess, told me to harass them constantly.  I am to yell, scream, chase and throw ice cubes at them.  "They'll move on", she assured me.  My hoarse voice and empty ice-maker would like to think otherwise. 

Big Daddy promises to "put a bb in their butts this weekend" and I tell you if he does, he will rise to new heights of glory in my eyes. I just hope that I can fully recover.   Will I ever again not check under the hydrangeas before skipping into the backyard?  I am afraid I know the answer.....

Comments

[Julie]

That IS victim-blaming!!!!!!!! "Woodland varieties" made me snort my juice.

[Julie]

P.S. Poor Grandma. Didn't know she'd let the dogs out first to clear the birds.

[PJ]

but they are soo cute. Send them to my yard! I could watch them all day!!

[Miss Julie]

FOXES IN THE DAYTIME = RABID in my world. Run Laurie Run.

[Growing Muses]

don't you know how lucky you are?! These are such harbingers of good fortune. One of the best talismen in the native american world (not to mention my the animal that graces my maiden family crest not once but FOUR times)...I'll take them for you (I bet they're either a couple or they're kits).

[Laurie]

Hi Kyla - ya know I am starting to grow more affection towards them. There are 3 now and it does seem rather obvious that they are kits. Dave saw them frolicking and playing early this morning. Only real problem now is, well I seem to have 3 dog size pets in my back yard - gonna have to look into a poopie scooper......

[Growing Muses]

I'm sure there's a recipe out there somewhere for how to make your own (pooper scooper) ;o)

[Laurie]

ha - perhaps, though I was thinking more of a poopie scooper for hire kinda situation...