The Art of Communication

(linked for photo credit)

Yesterday was perhaps my largest failure in the ability to effectively communicate.  I sent an email invitation of sorts to a group of friends and the aftermath of said email was nothing short of disastrous.  Never in the history of time has one small, innocent, well intended email created such ill will and back lash. 

Oddly, each circumstance of disappointment was unique in its upset.  No recipient was pissed about the same thing.  How did I accomplish this?  I had to step back yesterday and decipher the reactions and responses.  How was I so mis-understood.  How is it possible that there could be so many interpretations?  How could words that I wrote (and failed to write) have been read in so many different ways?  Half of the readers "got it", they received the message I intended and all was well.  The other half had a whole other experience.

I left two people off my distribution list.  Both, I guess, I left off intentionally.  I thought one wouldn't be interested in the invitation (apparently, I thought wrong).  I thought the other already had plans that would exclude her from what I was addressing (wrong again, available or not, the exclusion was hurtful).  They were both separately insulted for being excluded, no matter how light the email was and no matter how close in verbal and personal contact we are.  The fact of not having their name in the "TO:" field was taken very personally.

The third person mis-understood the nature of the invitation altogether.  I now know she didn't read it all (there was a link attached), but I also can take some responsibility for not being as crystal clear as humanly possible.

The fourth was down right pissed.  The invitation was not as robust and inclusive as she anticipated and she is angry at me for what I offered in comparison to what she expected.

sigh.

Randy Travis sang a wonderful country song long ago that had a line I refer to often:  "I hear tell, the road to hell is paved with good intentions."  I agree, again and again. 

My intentions were good, my choice in words and the vehicle of communication failed.  I am now left with the opportunity to fix it ..... or not. 

If I were a younger I might create a goal for myself, a mission for change, a mantra to do better next time, stop, reflect, re read, cross the t's better, dot the i's.  Instead I feel that at this stage in my life I have sorted out who I am comfortable being.  I know what my intentions are, who I am, who it is that I am actually responsible for (my kids & myself).  I could take the lesson and affirm to keep my mouth shut more often.  If the simple act of saying "c'mon along" can reverberate such strife then just don't do it again.   

Or, I can just say "oh well".

I have knitting stitches to perfect, allergy sufferers to nebulize, groceries to buy, library books to return and a million more things that seem a bit more pressing, all things considered.

 

Comments

[Barefoot Liz]

You didn't invite ME! I'm heartbroken. I'm going to go sob in a corner.

[Adan]

Dealing with similar 'drama' in my family. Someone wasn't specifically included, or mentioned in the original invitation, even though a separate, personal invitation was made. Reading between the lines and taking offense to things unsaid is my personal favorite.

Even though I often tell people that I say what I mean and that if I didn't say something, then it should not be implied, I still have a way of offending people. Lately, that seems to be every time I open my mouth.

Oh well. ;-)

[Richele]

have you not heard of bcc: ?
btw, where's my invite?!