Physically, today is simply a beautiful day. Big daddy is outside conducting his inaugural lawn mowing, the sky is crystal clear blue, the air crisp and refreshing. This is how the world can be cruel and altogether confusing. Today we will attend a funeral.
Big D and I lost touch of a mutual friend over the last year and we now know why. She was sick, very, very sick. We are struggling with our ability to accept her death, but must also accept our failure as friends. How did we allow her to slip from our care and concern? Why did we not check in, discover what was wrong and do something.
Missy died on Tuesday of this week and as a single mother, leaves 7 year old daughter behind for this world to care for. The grief of this statement is almost too much to comprehend. I can't imagine what this past year must have been like for her as she inevitably had to face and prepare for her daughter's future. I am overcome with sorrow and sadness and longing for Missy. The ache and compassion I feel for her daughter is inconceivable.
At myself, I am nothing but angry. I want to do something, to have done something and the helplessness is paralyzing and so deeply painful. I am a better person, or thought I was. I want to have been there for her.
Today I will offer my farewell and my deepest apologies to Missy. To Ella I'll offer all of the light and hope my spirit has and then I'll go out and find some more and give it to her too.
My heart breaks for you today! I am so sorry! Don't beat yourself up too much!
Posted by: Theresa | 05/07/2011 at 01:20 PM
Oh Laurie I am so sorry and sad for you. A year is not so long to lose touch in the crazy ass pace of today's world. Missy loved you no doubt and Ella will love your cheerful and never ending optimism. You are a great gift to all of your friends.
Posted by: Miss Juju | 05/07/2011 at 02:21 PM